If it were an official crime of the state for church leaders to interfere in people's marriages, there would be many pastors and elders sitting in prison today. Church leaders, as well as your so-called Christian friends will ruin your marriage faster than the heathens down at the local tavern. I've seen it happen again and again.
There is an horrific blindness in many of our churches today, where the people view their church leaders as a type of god, where whatever they say is law. This is tragic. The authority of the Church is the Word of God and not the pastors or elders. Such people feel they have a right to advise women in their church to go against their husband's decisions.
A perfect example is church attendance. I know of many pastors and elders who teach that a wife should go to church, even if her husband says "no." And we are talking about a Christian husband here; a Christian husband who has come to see that this particular church has deteriorated into becoming a full blown cult. This is the reason for the husbands decision. He is protecting his wife. But the wife will listen to her other husbands (i.e. her pastors and elders) instead. This is complete and total rebellion on the part of the wife.
In his book, THE WOMAN'S ROLE, by Pastor Curtis Hutson, Pastor Hutson teaches that a wife should stay home from church if her husband tells her to. I know this may harelip every dog in the county; but it is Biblical. Before God ever created a church, a family, or kids - He created the MARRIAGE!
Here are Curtis Hutson's words:
You are not responsible for how your husband plays his role, but you are responsible for how well you play your role. You are to show the world the relationship of the church of Christ, and your part is to make the church look the best you can. It is the husband's part to make Christ look as good to the world as he can by playing the part of Christ.
You say, "What if he doesn't try very hard? What if he messes up? What if he gives me a tough time? You mean I still have to play my role?" Yes.
The Holy Spirit says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own h usbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ. so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
She says, "In every thing?"
"Yes, every thing."
I made a mistake as a young pastor that I corrected later. I told a lady, when her husband told her not to go to church, "You just tell him you are going to church anyway. You are going to live for God."
I gave her unscriptural advice.
You are to be to your husband what the church is to Christ - submissive, obedient.
It is like buttoning up a shirt - if you get one button right, you get the rest right. If you get your role right and keep it right, no matter how much pressure comes; and you can believe there is going to be pressure, it will work out right.
A preacher once said, "Do good and it will be good."
Did you know that whole life is pressure? You are like a vessel on a potter's wheel. God is forming your life, and He makes you form the pressures that come to your life.
When you say, "I do," and the curtain goes up, it is like getting inside a pressure cooker...
Submission is a right attitude, recognizing that the husband is the head. That doesn't mean the wife can't make suggestions; that she can't tell him what she wants. But the husband is to lead the home, and he is make the final decision.
Someone says, "Now, wait a minute. I have said, "I do, The drama is on. I know my role. Now, what is my husband's role?"
Well, if he were here, I would tell him. I might say that his script is a little longer than yours, a little more detailed.
But there is no need to talk about him; he is not here. Your role is to be submissive. Look at Titus 2. Your role is to love your husband. Your role is to be discrete, chaste, keepers at home. Did you know a woman's home is her career? It should be...
I must confess I have not been as much like Christ as I wanted to be. I must confess I haven't tried very hard at times. It is easy to forget your role. When your husband asks you to do something, it is easy to say, "Do it yourself. I am not your slave." Remember, you are not playing the role of the church when you do that.